Wednesday, February 20, 2013
The Naked Truth
Sometimes it's just really hard to sit down and write this blog! I get tired and it's really hard to remember all the things that have happend, both good and bad. I still have such a hard time typing. It could be the combo of blurry eyesight, leftover brain tumor, or just what people call chemo-brain. I don't like that term - but I know I have foggy hazy longlasting clouds of knot completely engaging with what is happening. I misspell words I know how to spell. I know the difference between not and knot. I have very short term memory too. I'll walk into a room a completley forget what I was doing. Typing is hared because my fingers arn't conected to my brain and the keyboard in the same way they used to be. I find that I have to spend so much time fixing what I wrote. When I go back to review, I find that I used words that I didn't know I had typed that have nothing to do with what wanted to say. I'm don doing any corrections so you can get an idea of how bad it get's most of the time.
(I have to start correcting again. I can't stand looking at all the dyslexic twisted words. All though I'll tell you that I have to correct my own name a lot ot her time (a lot of the time) Letah Ok! Enough!)
I'm at the clinic and have been here since 11 am this morning now it's 2:26. I'm waiting for the pulmonologist. Just for a checkup. If you have read my past blog, you will know that I've been having panic attacks. All this time I've been blaming prednisone for my jumpy heart and breathing issues, and I was just suffering anxiety. Earlier this morning I saw my cancer counsellor and my psychiatrist; so now I'm very tired and sleepy.
I've been having all these changes with my drug doses which has made me feel like being a big o' lump. I found out that I had 0 (bordering on undetectable) cortisol levels, and that's why I wasn't feeling very motivated. I've had chronic diarrhea, which I thought was the fault of the Zoloft - but turns out it was the Zelboraf. I take something like 20 or more pills per day! That's too many!~
Please play this mp3 while reading this next bit. This version is by Sons of the Pioneers.umbling Tumbleweeds 1946.mp3