Tuesday, October 29, 2013

That's Not Chicken!!!


Well, I just saw the image today, and my tumor is not a chicken breast! I was quite shocked by the size of the thing! I only imagined it was that size - (which in my book is quite large enough!) Then I get shown this! I didn't realise that it went on forever. It actually ends about 2 inches from my knee. It's pretty much in it's own compartment in between the quadriceps set of the Rectus Femoris and the Vastus Lateralis. The problem with doing surgery there, is, that there's no way to get clear margins without cutting into muscle. But that's not the main problem. I suppose there is no way of telling where in my body the next bit of cancer will be showing it's ugly face. There are likely a jillion cancer cells floating around just waiting to erupt - so there's no point in trying to cut this one out.You cut things out so they won't spread, and  I guess I'm past that point. I noticed that the doctors have taken up saying things about making the quality of my life better. They don't really talk about extending my life anymore. Humph!
Surgery on the tumor may become an option if the radiation doesn't work and the tumor keeps growing. But surgery would delay any upcoming chemotherapy. Yes! I said the dirty word! Chemotherapy! To me that's, "Something, I always never wanted!"
Somehow I've had it in my mind that as long as I didn't do radiation or have chemotherapy then I wasn't a true cancer person. I was special because I was doing all the front-running forms of immunotherapy!

I know I said this in my last blog but it's true! And it's my worst fear!
When people hear the word 'Cancer' the image that comes to mind is the frail bald crumbling person on chemotherapy and radiation doomed to death in what could be days.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON!!!! I WILL NOT BE THAT PERSON!!!!!

Yesterday was my 9th day of radiation. I guess it hasn't been too bad. I was getting really tired from it and I've had to have naps afterwards. But the worst thing for me was, and is, the reaction to the steroids I'm taking! I'm now trying to ween myself off of the evil things. They ruined my sense of taste! Evidently steroids causes something like thrush, a (nonsexual) Candida that grows in the throat. The bacteria causes everything to taste terrible! Bad! Yucky!
My mouth tastes sooooo bad......it tastes like the bathroom floor of the old CBGB's! It tastes the way a really bad poo smells! A metallic slice of moldy toast?  B*I*T*T*E*R!!!!! B*A*D!!!!! It's been going on for a few weeks now and the only thing I can eat without any ill effects is Butter Pecan Ice Cream. Something about the salty/sweet combo levels out the pallet. One (especially one with cancer) can't live on Ice Cream alone. I'm on antibiotics now - And thank god I can drink alcohol with no adverse effects! We got company coming!!!!



I only have 4 more radiation sessions - I stop on November 4th! Hooray! I just have to be there every day! That's hard to do in itself. That's the machine pictured above. It revolves around but doesn't really make any real sounds or emit any lights. And it's pretty quick. I just don't like the idea of having to have it. Who wants radiation????! I think it will be a month before we know if the radiation worked. It'll take some time and another MRI.

Yesterday I had some crazy fever 99.9, 100.4, 96.7, 101.2. So I went in early for my radiation appointment and they topped me off with some saline. I guess I was low. I felt very dizzy and lightheaded. They said it could be tumor fever. Where the tumor is dying and is pushing out toxins of sorts into the bloodstream. This can bring on low grade fever.

As long as I get this taste thing fixed, I'll be happy! - Dan and I are going to have some company!!!! And we plan on going to all the yummy great food places around town. My faves are Chicken Liver Tacos at Nana's Tacos!!!! I used to hate Chicken Livers. I've changed. And Only Burger! Yummy Fried Green Tomato Burger. And Fishmongers! It'll be a lot of fun! I like showing off Durham. It's such a cool place.


Anyway I'm hanging in there, and I want to say thanks to all the people that have ordered my new record. I really hope everyone likes it. For anyone that hasn't gotten one, you can get them direct from us at Dan's website. Of course the money goes direct to my cancer fund. So thank you all!!!


Marsh Of Sleep from Handbook for Mortals by Letha Rodman Melchior

Love to everyone! Letha

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Breast or Thigh?

Well...It's been two months since I've updated my blog; and there's been quite a few things going on with me. It's hard to stay on top of it all. I had a PET scan on July 9th, 2013. There wasn't too much to report then; a small fracture in my rib (god knows how that got there?) and some linear glowing FDG uptake in my quadriceps. My doctor didn't seem to be too concerned, and since my brain isn't as sharp as it used to be, I totally was thinking it was small bits of cancer in my left calf. DUH!  So, I was compulsively feeling up my left calf, finding no lumps and no changes. Then in the latter part of August, something out of a Three Stooges comedy happened to me. I was in a Food Lion (a supermarket we have down south) and I was picking up some lettuce, walking as I was stuffing it into the plastic vegetable bag; when my hand went straight through the bag and a bit of wet lettuce fell on the floor in front of me. My left foot went sliding out right in front of me, surfing on the small green wave. I realized I was out of control and I had that feeling of hitting the point of no return. I did try to stop my embarrassing fall by turning it into a deep lunge; but there was too much force in it and I rolled on my back with my feet in the air like a water bug trying to flip itself over. Two shoppers came over to pull me up (none of the watching Food Lion staff moved an inch). I felt I was OK . Mostly embarrassed with a sore thumb and a throbbing thigh. I filled out an incident report, and the manager said he would view the video tape. I'm waiting for it to show up on YouTube or in some kind of Fail stream, it was true comedy.

I was all up in arms about my new brain tumors, and as some time passed I felt I needed to re-read my old PET scan. My next scheduled PET was weeks and weeks away at that time; and I was getting really antsy. I read that the suspect spots on the PET scan were actually in my left QUADRICEPS, and a THIGH is the same thing as Quadriceps! My Thigh had doubled in size. All that time I thought I'd snapped a muscle that had recoiled into the upper region of my thigh. But it hurt in a very specific way that was similar to the way my first tumor hurt. Strange shooting nerve pain that comes on strong and with no warning.

September 13th I was going to the Duke clinic for a meditation session, in what they call the Quiet Room. It's a room that reminds me very much of the Round Bar that used to be at the Royalton Hotel in NY. Remember, if you stood in the middle of the Round Bar you could whisper and it would echo and people along the sides could hear it as if you were talking in their ear.
Round Bar
Quiet Room

Anyway, I got my doctor to fit me into his schedule, then he called in a surgeon to have a second look. They both said it could be a hematoma because of the way I fell. Blood collected and trapped inside the muscle. They'd have to do a thigh MRI to really know! Christ! I'm an expensive person to have around. There's always something wrong. Long story short: MRI + biopsy = Chicken Breast sized melanoma tumor in thigh. 10cm x 6cm x 3cm! Yikes!! Plus a dime sized melanoma spot in my pelvis!

Then I went in for for my scheduled PET scan on October 8th that confirmed the two cancer spots and a bit of right lobe atelectasis, which is a slightly collapsed lung. I don't think that part is all that serious, thank god!
 

Then on Monday I went to the airport to pick up Dan from his shows in Boston - one at Weirdo Records (hello Angela!) and one at Cantab Lounge in Cambridge. I know everyone enjoyed it - (he's so great) and we went straight to the clinic for me to have this crazy styrofoam box with hot rising foam that surrounded my body to make a cast. It's all so I won't move during radiation therapy. That scares me, it's my first (real) radiation. I've been pretty freaked out by it. Mainly because, when you think of cancer, the image you think of is a bald withering person, going through radiation treatments and a chemotherapy drip stuck into a port! Christ! That hasn't been me yet - but I've been super scared about becoming that person. 

I'm on steroids now, and I upped my dose of Zelboraf - so in just a week the swelling has gone down, and in my opinion my leg tumor is shrinking. But I don't have real proof. I will tomorrow though, because I'll have my first bout of radiation and I hope that they let me know what the scan from Monday looked like.

NEWS FLASH!! I HAVE A NEW RECORD OUT!!!!! ON VINYL - BUT IT ALSO COMES WITH DOWNLOAD CARD FOR ANY OF YOU WITHOUT A TURNTABLE!!! 

(ps: refresh your browser if you have checked out the website lately)
IT'S
 NOW AVAILABLE ON 
our Website!!
Go to  Dan Melchior's WebStore. The sales direct from us will be linked to my cancer fund through Paypal. It makes me very happy to present this record to the world.



I'm so lucky, number one, for having a loving husband that sticks with me through thick and thin. And really great friends from all over the world who really care about me, who are helping me immensely!  I also have Suki and Mike, and their girls living down here now. They make thing so much better for me. They got me to get out of my slump and get creative with my video for my new record on Siltbreeze Records! Which will be out so soon! Thanks so much Tom!!! Plus check out the new Siltbreeze website

Also Suki and I went to Pittsboro to look for Peignoir Sets. That's fluffy double chiffon lingerie. I'm really into it because it makes me feel purdy! This beautiful set came from Candace El's Kitsch And Canoodle! I love it Candace, I'm floating around the house in my pretty pretty Peignoir.
Pretty pretty Peignoir


I posted the photo below on Facebook a while ago. The funny thing is that, Suki and I happened to be in a thrift store/charity shop in Pittsboro and there was this old lady laughing it up about my purple mohawk. I'm supposing that Lemmie (not his real name) was her son, and right at that time he was trying on a red wig (for halloween?). So I quickly shoved my face next to his for a funny photo! Suki snapped the pic and we all had a laugh! That was the first and last time I saw my (friend for a moment) Lemmie. I named him when I posted the photo. It was a fun day.


And I'm wearing my WFMU shirt! As you all may know this is the silent marathon month. WFMU is asking for pledges so they can set up a performance space venue for the station. Great idea huh! Let's all make that happen.



Well, time to go. I have to be on the radiation table at 8am, so I'm ready for a rest! I want to thank everyone who has put on past benefits, as well as recent ones thank you Dylan and Karen. And all the bands that played:

BLOOD STEREO
"a pair of ill-kempt roosters, fighting over a doughnut. The guy rooster is jibbering in some unknown tongue, turning his face inside out, while shoving the microphone slowly through a hole in his cheek. The girl rooster appears to be pecking at him, either that or she's picking at various trash they have strewn around the stage." - Byron Coley


OCCULT HAND
four hands brew up "the creeps"
now hemorrhoid free!

ONMACHT
maiden voyage of dutch ralf & wild man bills new band
harsh hardcore punk

MEN OH PAUSE
wonky garage witchery
their hex, your brain

HAIRHOLE DJs
no ones favourite night at the penthouse returns
with grease for yr lug nuts

all for a worthy cause
Lethas Cancer Fund


And thanks for the horsey necklace Hayley gave me - that was very sweet.

Red, White(my hair- ha!) and True Blue Friends!