Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Look of the Crypt Keeper!

Upon arriving home, I had lot's of appointments lined up. I had my Zelboraf drug ordered and ready to be sent the day after I got home. I saw my oncologist, had a blood transfusion, canceled my PET Scan to make way for emergency surgery on my detached retina. Yes, after seing Dr Hahn, it was definite that I had a detached retina, that was getting worse by the moment !- I was well on my way to permanent blindness! I started my Zelboraf pills - 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening - they are big enough to choke a horse! I'm very worried about the side effects of this drug and anytime I've been outside in the world, I'm covered head to toe in sunscreen, sun poncho, hat, scarf and gloves (thanks Clare!)

At a Denny's after my first meeting with Dr. Hahn,  Dan and I encountered the worst coustmer service ever!  I'm assuming it was my 'get up' that turned our waitress against us - in addition to the sun protective outfit,  I also had some wrap around sunglasses on under my real glasses, due to my dilated pupils from the exam . She took our order and that was the last we saw of her, at least around our table. She could be seen scrubbing every surface behind the counter at Denny's keeping her nose to the grindstone, so as not to have to look at us. We had to make do with other passing waitresses to check on our food, refill our drinks and give us our check. Dan actually complained to the management which is so unlike him. I can't help it if I look like a freak! I'm just frightened by the sun - and don't want to look like a pork cracklin'!

I had my eye operation on Tuesday September 18th, and after watching the full procedure video on You Tube the night before, I knew exactly what I was in for. I don't really suggest that a person watch an operation of what is going to be done to them the next day - but I was afraid they would have to take my eye out of my head to cinch it up in a silicone belt! I needed to know how that was done. It was gruesome to watch and it was exactly what my operation ended up being. The whites of my eyes were cut away from the Iris and pealed back like a grape,  Four sets of slits were made, upper, lower and on both sides in the muscle so that a thin silicone belt could slip through and cinch up my eye in a belt - tight.  The whites flapped back over in place and sewn to the iris - Well just good as new! Nothing like any images conjured by tales of frankenstein. It worked!

The laying on my left side for ten days was much better than having to lay face down - but still not much fun.

The thing that I find hard is that I feel SO impaired! This eye thing at the moment seems so much worse to me than having cancer. It makes it so impossible to function as a normal person. I don't feel like painting - being on the computer - doing collage - taking photos - reading - watching TV - driving - making music or just about anything else that keeps me entertained and distracted from my cancerous state. I find it very hard going. But I have to do my best to not let it get me down too far. My loving husband went out and got me a black eye patch that makes typing possible. I will test the waters to see if it will help make other activities possible. I hope so!

I posted a photo of how I now see things out of the eye that was operated on - to give an idea of what it's like to see through mismatched eyes; an eye that flat out doesn't work! Don't worry - I'm sure things will get better - in time, in time. Also just to let you all know I look better already - but my camera isn't uploading for me to put up better photos. I won't look like these photos forever!

I also posted through links, very gruesome - I MEAN GRUESOME - photos that shouldn't be looked at by the squeamish! All this will, in time turn to a normal looking - and I hope into a normally functioning eye!

I had two days ago, two 'Procedures' that were not fun - mainly painful as all get out! I screamed the whole way through and the doctor threatened to quit 3 times - but I told him I wasn't going to do a cleanse again and he had to keep going no matter how much I vocalized distress! We made it through an endoscopy and colonoscopy (one after the other) to find that I'm looking A-OK there! But what a drag! I suggest that every one that has to have one done to go completely under. It was awful!!!

To end that day, after I signed the discharge papers the discharge nurse rushed us out into the waiting room saying she had to walk us out to the car. We didn't drive and was waiting on a taxi - she stood over us complaining about how long it was taking and how she wanted to go home! Dan barked at her, saying she was making things difficult - she half apologized - but was so awful. I ended up complaining about her attitude to Duke. It was really uncalled for the way she treated us.

This photo is fine to look at. It is a facsimile of how I see out of my operated eye. It's safe to look at:

What I see out of my left eye.

Very Gruesome Photos! Beware - Do not look unless you can take it!
Large photo of very bloody eye!! Whites sewn on to Iris -Pupil overly dilated! Ugly! Very bloody! The Links below are gruesome - look at your own risk! 

Quasimodo - First day after!

Gruesome Eye 1
Gruesome Eye 2
Gruesome Eye 3
Gruesome Eye 4
Gruesome Eye 5
Gruesome Eye 6

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