Friday, January 17, 2014

Gyros With Tzatziki Sauce, Anyone?

This is how I feel when I think of all my friends in NY and all my friends all over the world.
I feel such gratitude; it's hard to put into words. The support you all give, emotionally and financially, has kept me going when times have been rough. My psychiatrist asked me how I do it? How do I remain positive when dealing with all the medical issues I've come up against. I've had such difficult times, that when I look back, even I can't believe that I got through it all! My answer to him was, "I know people care about me. I know I'm loved. I have such a network of support, that I have to keep going, I can't give in to this illness. I have people I love that are rooting for me. I can't let them down by giving in to cancer. I can't have it rob me of my life."

I tell him that the people around me keep me positive, and encourage me in so many ways to never give up, and never give in to negative thinking. He's amazed. I'm amazed! I'm sure I'd have lost my will to keep living at times. I know I'd be way worse off without the love of my friends. So, thank you all so very much. I've said it before and I will always say it; I couldn't do it without you all.




I'm elated to have such great friends!
Every time guitars are strummed a birdie gets his wings!


Gosh! I've let another two months slip between writing. I haven't written in a while because I've been feeling worn out. I had stomach cramps that hurt just enough to make doing anything kind of a drag. Sitting up to write emails, facebook messages and just anything was hard. I'm now taking Ritalin - boy it's made a difference! I'm up and out of bed. I can type without too much trouble and I feel more like my old self. I'm so glad.

December 3rd I had my brain MRI and I was so relieved that I wouldn't have to have Whole Brain Radiation! I do have two spots that are active; but they're small.  They just need to be watched. March 7th they'll take another look - I'll be so upset if anything is found. I'm sure my brain surgeon will strongly suggest the thing I'm most terrified about, WBR! I feel that it will be the beginning of the downhill slide of no return. 


My leg radiation went well, I suppose. It was pretty ugly; my thigh had turned black, and then peeled, like when you have the worst sunburn EVER! 
Greek Gyros sandwich with Tzatziki Sauce, anyone?
or how about'a

My thigh looks almost normal, now. Well, except for the cancer is coming back. So much cancer shit happens in such a short amount of time; its really hard to stay current. The radiation did work, when I had my check up PET on December 18th it was evident how much the leg tumor had broken up. I was very happy about it! But then there was this great big glowing blob on my right breast! My oncologist swore it was cancer. He just didn't know what kind of cancer, breast or melanoma.

I immediately asked for a biopsy. The breast people didn't want to give me a biopsy - they wanted to do an ultrasound.  I'm thinking, 'How can you tell if it's cancer just by doing an ultrasound!' Anyway, I had my oncologist set up an appointment with a breast surgeon. The breast people didn't call.
Then the holidays went by (Me, Dan, and Glen had a wonderful Christmas Day!)

So, when January 2nd rolled around I told my oncologist that I never heard from the breast team and also that my leg tumor seemed to be coming back. I eventually met with a breast surgeon and had a FNA (fine needle aspiration) and was told within 20 minutes that it wasn't cancer in my breast. You'd think they could've told me that before the holidays! It's a sebaceous cyst. Now, don't go looking up sebaceous cyst unless you have a craving for gore and love vomiting at the sight of revolting things. Just take my word for it, it's gross. I'll have surgery to take it out because these kind of cysts don't go away on their own. Surgery is slated for February 13th. I'm not afraid, it's a piece of cake!

Back to the leg...You know when you break a thermometer, and all the mercury spreads into little beads? Well, that seemed to be the case with my leg tumor - but mercury also gathers back up into a mass. I'm a pretty good judge of my body and when things are going wrong. So I felt that I had to have it looked at again. I saw my radiologist and he said I had the highest dose of radiation that I could take, and I'll have to look at other options to treat it if it is cancer. Doing a FNA on my leg wouldn't do any good - it'd be like finding a needle in a haystack. He said it'd be safe to wait until the 29th of January when I see my oncologist. 

I'll have a full assessment then, to talk over new paths to take in my cancer treatment. It'll likely involve real chemotherapy. I'm not excited. 
This PET is not current (Not from 2 days ago). My slab of chicken is coming back! Damn!

  

And one more bit of medical news:  I bashed my front teeth through my upper lip a few weeks ago. My big toe got caught up in my pajama pants leg. I bent over, hopping on one foot. (That's something I should never do anymore) Oh man!!!! Nothing like the floor to straighten your smile. Dan was just coming in the door as I realized I was face down on the floor; and as I got to my feet I got very afraid of what happened. There was blood everywhere. I didn't know how bad it was, so I called out to Dan, and said, "Darling! Something really awful has happened!" It was on a Saturday and I wasn't about to go to the ER! No way!!~!!! So, I just constantly iced it and swished saltwater in my mouth until that Monday. Thank God they didn't break in half! The dentist said that there maybe hairline fractures, and possible nerve damage. I'll go back on January 22nd to see if the nerves are dying. If so, the teeth will have to be pulled. But I have a good feeling that I'll be able to keep them. 


They still hurt, and I've only just now been able to close my mouth. When I eat I have to use my back teeth only. This means every bit of food has to be cut in to tiny bits, then thrown down the ol'gullet.

For those of you that missed the comparison photo I made and posted on Facebook, take a look at this.

I don't know...I think it's funny! I have a sick sense of humor! I'll have you know the swelling has gone down and the two punctures aren't even noticeable anymore.

So in closing on this post; I just want to say again how grateful I am to have you all rally around me. The benefit that's going to happen tomorrow is so touching to me - so many people have come together to come to my aid and help me out with my medical bills and also just to keep living. Thank you to Rebecca Gaffney, Jen and Laura Rogers, and to all the people that have helped to make this benefit happen. So many bands/so much fun! 


https://www.facebook.com/events/721038087915201/

Please go to support the bands! 

NURSE AND SOLDIER-(BOBBY FROM ONEIDA)
REBECCA GAFFNEY AND ADRIAN AUSTIN
AUGUST WELLS
THE ROGERS SISTERS-( REUNION SHOW!)
LOVE AS LAUGHTER
CRYSTAL STILTS
ENDLESS BOOGIE
DJs Bruno, Brad Truax, and Greg Anderson

389 Melrose StreetBrooklyn, New York 11237-








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