NED In The Boob Department!!

Thanks for the scarf, hanky, and bag Diane and Joel!

I've been in a holding pattern for what feels like a long, long time. Three months to be exact! And all pretty much free of fear, and certainly minus heavy duty mind twisting appointments. Every appointment I've had these three months has been pretty much for mundane checkups that all normal people have.  It's been a great holiday!!!!  And I have to share with everyone that I have been given a certified letter stating that I have no evidence of breast cancer!!!  YES, IT'S TRUE!!! (NED = "no evidence of disease")  During my mammogram I wasn't really aware of how nervous I was.  I suppose deep down I had fleeting thoughts of being told I'd have to have a double mastectomy. It's really hard to not let these thoughts come into your head. I was so relieved when I was handed the results, exhaustion came over me in a wave. My breast cancer has always taken a second seat to my melanoma, but in an other dark thought I had; people were shaking their heads, "It's a shame, it was the breast cancer that got her in the end." Well now, I don't even have to think about it! That makes me so happy!!!! No more breast cancer for meeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Now I have to go in for my PET, the date scheduled is on June 26th - a month from now. I don't think I can wait that long; so I'm having my date moved up. I would love a clear scan. I would normally wait for the date to come up, but I've been feeling ever so slightly tight in my chest and remember all too well the feeling I had before my chest surgery last March. It may just be nerves and my fears shaken from the good news on the breast front, but I've also noticed very small mounds under my skin on my thigh and one on my arm right below the elbow. Are these just fatty pockets? Are they swollen glands? Are they cancer? I hate living in fear! I just want to know. I don't think of myself as someone that needs to have something wrong. You know what I mean. But this cancer makes it where I'm beginning to lose my footing on feeling secure. Am I just looking for things to be wrong because it's been too long without any crazy horrible events? I don't think so! Gawd, I hate cancer!!!!

I have to say also how upset I was over the death of Adam Yauch. It just felt so close, though I didn't know him personally. I had been to a few Beastie Boy shows and have met him in passing at a party, but I was so upset by his death. I had an uncontrollable sobbing episode. I felt so sad for days afterwards. It was also on the heels of the passing of David Doernberg, someone I had met, but didn't really know. Some how through facebook I had been wandering around through friends of friends and remembered him. What had he been up to? He had a food blog. Oh! So, I went to check it out. There I learned he had just died of cancer, and there I learned how his food blog and been upstaged and taken over by his fight with cancer. I was so saddened, cancer seemed to be creeping into peoples lives in my periphery. It just seems that people shouldn't have to die of cancer these days. It's so scary that people still do. I usually concentrate on the survival rates of people - I don't take in the deaths. I usually look the other way. But these two deaths I couldn't overlook. I feel so much for the families and friends of these people. I also feel for the people who are struggling at this moment with their own cancer, and the horrible choices they have to make, the waiting for results and treatments. Feeling lost and alone like no one cares - it is all so hard and emotionally draining. I feel the pain of the people who love and care for these people that have cancer. It's so hard to keep up that positive outlook.

I plan on keeping my positive outlook and will keep myself busy painting, doing music and videos; and in general just try to keep living a good life with my loving husband and sweet feisty bird, Glen.


I want to thank every one for their interest in me and my blog. I'm getting ever so close to 10,000 hits on this blog. That is an incredible thing! Thank you all for helping me to keep going forward!


Love!

This is one of my videos I made for my experimental music under the name Tretetam.

It's called Leon Hills and was shot in Burlington, NC.  I've been playing my clarinet!