Well, I just saw the image today, and my tumor is not a chicken breast! I was quite shocked by the size of the thing! I only imagined it was that size - (which in my book is quite large enough!) Then I get shown this! I didn't realise that it went on forever. It actually ends about 2 inches from my knee. It's pretty much in it's own compartment in between the quadriceps set of the Rectus Femoris and the Vastus Lateralis. The problem with doing surgery there, is, that there's no way to get clear margins without cutting into muscle. But that's not the main problem. I suppose there is no way of telling where in my body the next bit of cancer will be showing it's ugly face. There are likely a jillion cancer cells floating around just waiting to erupt - so there's no point in trying to cut this one out.You cut things out so they won't spread, and I guess I'm past that point. I noticed that the doctors have taken up saying things about making the quality of my life better. They don't really talk about extending my life anymore. Humph!
Surgery on the tumor may become an option if the radiation doesn't work and the tumor keeps growing. But surgery would delay any upcoming chemotherapy. Yes! I said the dirty word! Chemotherapy! To me that's, "Something, I always never wanted!"
I know I said this in my last blog but it's true! And it's my worst fear!
When people hear the word 'Cancer' the image that comes to mind is the frail bald crumbling person on chemotherapy and radiation doomed to death in what could be days.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON!!!! I WILL NOT BE THAT PERSON!!!!!
Yesterday was my 9th day of radiation. I guess it hasn't been too bad. I was getting really tired from it and I've had to have naps afterwards. But the worst thing for me was, and is, the reaction to the steroids I'm taking! I'm now trying to ween myself off of the evil things. They ruined my sense of taste! Evidently steroids causes something like thrush, a (nonsexual) Candida that grows in the throat. The bacteria causes everything to taste terrible! Bad! Yucky!
My mouth tastes sooooo bad......it tastes like the bathroom floor of the old CBGB's! It tastes the way a really bad poo smells! A metallic slice of moldy toast? B*I*T*T*E*R!!!!! B*A*D!!!!! It's been going on for a few weeks now and the only thing I can eat without any ill effects is Butter Pecan Ice Cream. Something about the salty/sweet combo levels out the pallet. One (especially one with cancer) can't live on Ice Cream alone. I'm on antibiotics now - And thank god I can drink alcohol with no adverse effects! We got company coming!!!!
I only have 4 more radiation sessions - I stop on November 4th! Hooray! I just have to be there every day! That's hard to do in itself. That's the machine pictured above. It revolves around but doesn't really make any real sounds or emit any lights. And it's pretty quick. I just don't like the idea of having to have it. Who wants radiation????! I think it will be a month before we know if the radiation worked. It'll take some time and another MRI.
Yesterday I had some crazy fever 99.9, 100.4, 96.7, 101.2. So I went in early for my radiation appointment and they topped me off with some saline. I guess I was low. I felt very dizzy and lightheaded. They said it could be tumor fever. Where the tumor is dying and is pushing out toxins of sorts into the bloodstream. This can bring on low grade fever.
As long as I get this taste thing fixed, I'll be happy! - Dan and I are going to have some company!!!! And we plan on going to all the yummy great food places around town. My faves are Chicken Liver Tacos at Nana's Tacos!!!! I used to hate Chicken Livers. I've changed. And Only Burger! Yummy Fried Green Tomato Burger. And Fishmongers! It'll be a lot of fun! I like showing off Durham. It's such a cool place.
Anyway I'm hanging in there, and I want to say thanks to all the people that have ordered my new record. I really hope everyone likes it. For anyone that hasn't gotten one, you can get them direct from us at Dan's website. Of course the money goes direct to my cancer fund. So thank you all!!!
Love to everyone! Letha