I'm back from a long day at the clinic with Dan. I had early morning therapy. Thank god for my therapist, sometimes I really need to talk about cancery things. From there I had to have an echo cardiogram, which always make me squirm. I don't have too many things that wil drive me up a wall - but heart beats are right up there with finger nails on a chalkboard. Even that sentence made me squirm!
Then after that, I had to have a special CT scan especially for the chest. It wasn't painful or too yucky - but it's scaring the hell out of me! The talk among the docs has been about cancer induced lung disease. Criminy! I don't want lung disease on top of everything else! I keep thinking it's just a simple allergic reaction to my prednisone. Can't it just be that! Please!
I'll find out tomorrow at some point what the deal is, after my new Pulmonologist looks at all the data. But in the meantime will you all put together some good vibes for me, please? I'm so freaked out. I'm already worried about my consult with the Thoracic surgeon on March 6th. And then the biopsy of one of the spots near my lungs on March 12th. My pulmomologist has requested that my thoracic surgeon (who I haven't even met) slice a bit of lung off during the biopsy, so they can biopsy that too. Criminy!
I wish I were on a real roller coaster, like the Cyclone (what fun that was!) instead of this physical and harrowing mental roller coaster. On the Cyclone I used to scream as loud as I possibly could because it was fun and acceptable to do so. Now I want to scream at the top of my lungs but I'm afraid I'd be too loud and do some damage! Cripes!
Meanwhile, I'll be painting at a feverish rate until I get my docs call.
I want to thank all the folks out in San Francisco that are doing a benefit show for me tonight. Thank you for playing, maybe it'll be the good vibes that'll help with tomorrows outcome!
Love to everyone!